Post No. 14 : An inside insecurity shows.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written something from the heart and here is something that I thought I over came but clearly it bothers me a little.

While in Korea, everytime we went shopping, I felt so insecure about myself. My cousin, Shadow, and her friend, Gloria, are shopping fiends and love to shop and I don’t blame them, clothes were cool and things were cheap. But while in Korea, I noticed that every girl were skinny and small and even then I know that Shadow and Gloria aren’t the smallest girls but I felt so much bigger. Everything around me were for smaller girls, girls with waist under 25, it was just like “ugh…I’m so fat.” Yeah yeah, I know, I shouldn’t care but I felt so ungirl like. I didn’t like them shopping, I didn’t want to be in a mall, I didn’t look at make up and all that other stuff. I started to feel insecure so I became quiet and closed and became very quiet a lot of the times. After while when it was just the girls, I opened up a little because they got me to look at clothes and showed me some clothes and got me to look at some and I even bought some.

After awhile, I knew that this is just the way people are here and they are naturally tiny and they go out of their way to stay beautiful. If I really want to fit the typical mold of beauty then I could go out of my way to do it. But I am happy with who I am. Even though I am a little on the chubby side because of the constant eating I’ve been doing. People will always have that part in them that want to better themselves and we could achieve it if we put our mind to it, but of course there are some things that people can’t do and we have to know that too. It shouldn’t matter what people see in us, as long as we are happy with who we are then that’s all that should matter. 

Thanks.

-Allison