Yeah, I know I said I wouldn’t come and blog until everything is done but I’ve been so tired of everything that I’m so not motivated to do anything at all.
School is over taking my life. I’m tired of school. There is so much that needs to be done and so much is towards my final grade and I NEED to do well. What is the true point of school? What I want to get into is photography; photography is something I should DO and PRACTICE, not go to school for and then get a stupid grade on how well I do. Because of my grade and that little piece of paper I get in the end determines if I’ll get a job or not. Why not on my actual ability to DO well! It’s ridiculous. School is the biggest waste of my life and yet I can’t imagine my life without it. I’m going to drop doing my discussion for class because I honestly don’t have the time or even want to read anymore. Fuck it, if I don’t get that stupid piece of paper in the end, I’ll have my pictures and a nice (hopefully) portfolio and I’ll get a job that way…I hope.
Tired of things happening, not exactly in my personal life but things around me. People talking and bitching about everything, yeah I know I’m guilty of it but I’m not mumbling at the bottom of my breath and saying nasty things. I’ll keep them to myself and if it’s bothering me that much then I’ll say something. Why do people have such drama in their life? Why can’t it just be “whatever happens, happens.” I know I’m a total time-Nazi that way where I like to know what happens next but I’m not like that all the time. I have many moments where it’s like “Oh…well…that happened. Let’s move on” Holding grudges or getting mad to get mad because of everything else, being self-absorbed, not thinking why people do what they do, it’s so messed up. If people were more understanding and more cognitive to know why people do what they do then we wouldn’t be in such trouble and getting mad for no reason. Forgive and forget. Easier said than done but once its done then things should go easier.
I’m tired of not being taken seriously. Everything I do must be funny and a joke or “something is wrong.” Did I set myself up for this? Probably. I act immature and funny and stuff to break tension and to get people to like me. I don’t want people to think I’m a stiff prick that doesn’t have fun. I do enjoy making jokes but when it becomes me then it bothers me. I can be a very serious, responsible, and mature person but no one likes that. NO ONE. Allison seems to be defined as funny, immature, and must find EVERY JOKE HILARIOUS! Or something is wrong. Fuck that. I’m tired of explaining myself. I’m done.
P.S. some of these thoughts may not make sense but I just started typing what is on my mind so…that’s that.
Thanks.
-Allison
No comments:
Post a Comment