Where do I come up with such lame titles like that? I'm sorry. haha. Anyways, typical topic I feel like talking about so...here we go.
I have a problem with lying to people close to me. Why do I lie? Well I lie because I think it makes things easier, almost the saying "what they don't know, doesn't hurt them" kind of deal. I lie because I'm afraid of the truth, to be honest. Sometimes I much rather people lie to me and have believe that things are better than it really is; I much rather live in a fairytale dream sometimes than be hurt. I'm afraid of losing those people close to me and I worry about what they may think of me. There are many things about myself I'm not proud of, even ashamed of and I don't talk about those things with people close to me, so what do I do? I lie to people that ever ask me anything about me that may reveal my past.
It's a horrible thing that I need to lie to other people about who I really am but this may be possibly worst: lying to myself. I lie about things to make my life seem better. I've lied to myself saying I'm a good person but when I realize all the bad things I've done, I'm not worthy of anyone. I've lied to myself saying I'm a happy person and I'm comfortable with who I am and all those things just because I've always had that image with my friends and people that know me.
Now, the honesty. I've learned the hard way about the phrase "what they don't know, doesn't hurt them." that is a lie in itself. People don't like to know they are being lied to. It's not a great feeling and I should know that by now. I've told the truth to two people in my life that really meant something to me. First person, I told them the truth to purposely hurt them because they hurt me so much over the years. Second person, I told them the truth because I wanted to prove that I can be honest with them and I love them dearly; I can't imagine my life without them and I hope they can forgive me. There are other people in my life that I told the truth to and they appreciate my honesty and that is a great feeling. I hope to open up to more people in my life and that are close to be and let them know the real me.
I want to be honest with myself. I don't know who I am and I plan to find out who I really am. I'm not that happy girl you see all the time, I'm not that comfortable with my body what so ever, I'm not happy about my past, I'm not happy with the way I act a lot of the times. I thought I knew who I was for awhile and I was solid with that, but now to think about it, I've been lying to myself. That is why this summer is the time I discover myself.
Honesty is really important, whether it be with friends, family, loved ones, or yourself, it is very important to be honest. I had to learn that the hard way and I do regret doing what I have done to some people in my life, and now I know I need to change and fix all the wrong doings I've done. I'm sorry to anyone, and you know who you are, that I've lied to you. I didn't mean to hurt you as much as I have. I hope you can forgive me.
Thanks.
-Allison
I have a problem with lying to people close to me. Why do I lie? Well I lie because I think it makes things easier, almost the saying "what they don't know, doesn't hurt them" kind of deal. I lie because I'm afraid of the truth, to be honest. Sometimes I much rather people lie to me and have believe that things are better than it really is; I much rather live in a fairytale dream sometimes than be hurt. I'm afraid of losing those people close to me and I worry about what they may think of me. There are many things about myself I'm not proud of, even ashamed of and I don't talk about those things with people close to me, so what do I do? I lie to people that ever ask me anything about me that may reveal my past.
It's a horrible thing that I need to lie to other people about who I really am but this may be possibly worst: lying to myself. I lie about things to make my life seem better. I've lied to myself saying I'm a good person but when I realize all the bad things I've done, I'm not worthy of anyone. I've lied to myself saying I'm a happy person and I'm comfortable with who I am and all those things just because I've always had that image with my friends and people that know me.
Now, the honesty. I've learned the hard way about the phrase "what they don't know, doesn't hurt them." that is a lie in itself. People don't like to know they are being lied to. It's not a great feeling and I should know that by now. I've told the truth to two people in my life that really meant something to me. First person, I told them the truth to purposely hurt them because they hurt me so much over the years. Second person, I told them the truth because I wanted to prove that I can be honest with them and I love them dearly; I can't imagine my life without them and I hope they can forgive me. There are other people in my life that I told the truth to and they appreciate my honesty and that is a great feeling. I hope to open up to more people in my life and that are close to be and let them know the real me.
I want to be honest with myself. I don't know who I am and I plan to find out who I really am. I'm not that happy girl you see all the time, I'm not that comfortable with my body what so ever, I'm not happy about my past, I'm not happy with the way I act a lot of the times. I thought I knew who I was for awhile and I was solid with that, but now to think about it, I've been lying to myself. That is why this summer is the time I discover myself.
Honesty is really important, whether it be with friends, family, loved ones, or yourself, it is very important to be honest. I had to learn that the hard way and I do regret doing what I have done to some people in my life, and now I know I need to change and fix all the wrong doings I've done. I'm sorry to anyone, and you know who you are, that I've lied to you. I didn't mean to hurt you as much as I have. I hope you can forgive me.
Thanks.
-Allison
6 comments:
“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.”
That is what you should feel...
Should I really feel that way? As much as I want to believe that, I don't know, do I really deserve it? I don't feel worthy enough to even talk to the person I hurt. I'll only talk to them when I am a better person.
Thanks for the comment though, really touched me.
-Allison
Whether you feel worthy to talk to the person you hurt or not is strictly based on how you feel talking to them. If it is too uncomfortable for you then the line is drawn there. But to the question as if you truly deserve it, of course you do. Reminds me of another quote I really enjoy showing that you can’t be the only one at fault here in these circumstances:
“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
To the statement of you saying you will “only talk to them when I am a better person”. Not the finest approach to tackle this situation. You are already an incredible person, you just need to let it show and not be so afraid to say it or admit to it. You are who you are and there is no changing that. You just need to believe in yourself and that you deserve the world. The person who sees that, is the person that deserves YOU because I am confident that you must already see it in the person you hurt.
But I do wish you all the luck in digging that better person back out and not just having your mind set on becoming a better person who you never were.
Thanks for the comment. You really have me thinking about it now.
I appreciate it.
-Allison
Good :) That was my objective, but hopefully in a positive way.
I love you Pennybags
i know i dont see you all the time :(
but youre my best friend :)
and i love you for you.
(L)
this summer will be good for you to have time for yourself and think.
you are an amazingly, wonderful person allison.
you just need to see that.
love you <3
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